Should I Wait for Her?
Question: I am 20 years old in college. Recently my girlfriend and I of a year and a half broke up over a huge misunderstanding. Instead of facing the problem like I should have I decided to go home from school, after she told me she didn't want to talk to me. I have been praying and praying about what I need to do. She still says she needs time and space to figure herself out and grow as a person. I am trying my best to respect her wishes, but I can't help but think there was a deeper issue to this problem. She has a great group of Christian friends that I have always liked. The only issue with them is that they are are single and would judge her extremely hard when she and I would hangout. It has been almost 3 months now and after all my praying and counseling I have seemed I still feel like God is telling me that she is the one for me and I need to continue trying. I am in a tough situation because I want to respect her wishes but at the same time I really do feel like and have felt like for sometime that she was the women I was going to marry. I know that I am young and that maybe I am just over thinking everything but I know that I can feel God is telling me to continue to pursue this relationship. I don't know how long I continue to try and do that because as I have given her a lot of time in my opinion I believe that we need to talk this out and come to a decision. I do not know what else to do because I do truly feel like I was ready to marry her in the next 2 years. This has thrown my life into a world of crazy and the only think I can do is pray about it and know that God has a plan. I just want some advice on what I should do moving forward.
Response: Breakups are painful and I am so sorry to hear that you and your girlfriend are going through this. Sometimes we wish that relationships came with a road map to make things easier. If we could predict what would happen next, it would take the uncertainty out of the equation when dating and trying to find the person we are supposed to marry. Unfortunately, they don’t come with a road map, and we can’t know for sure what will happen. It sounds like you and your ex are in very different places mentally since the split. You’re wanting to continue the relationship, and she is wanting to be single. I know it feels like you’ve given her all the time in the world, and you need to talk it through now and make a decision about how to move forward, but the fact is that she isn’t ready yet. Rushing things or trying to force this decision on her will not be healthy for either of you. For the time being, I encourage you to respect her decision to be single, and move forward separately.
Finding some closure for yourself will be key in being able to move forward. Closure is a great way to understand maybe what went wrong and why things ended the way they did. I applaud you for respecting her space and giving her time after the breakup but I know that it is also hard for you. Wanting to reach out and clear the air about the misunderstanding must be harder on some days to deal with it than it is on other days. I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by praying to God for your ex and for yourself during this time. Leaning on Him can help tremendously so you don’t feel so alone.
Seasons of singleness are also totally normal and even healthy for any person on the dating scene. You two were together for a while and as you mentioned, even thought of marriage. These are very big things and will take some time to heal from, but that is perfectly okay. God has a special someone for each and every one of us and he will let you know when that person has come into your life. I can’t tell you whether the girl you were with is indeed the one, but she could be. God works in mysterious ways and He may be using this as an opportunity to for the two of you to really know who you are as individuals first.
Sometimes we can get lost in another person when we start dating and it can be easier to do so when we are younger. Spend time with yourself and get to know what you truly want in a future relationship. Learn from the ways you communicated with your previous girlfriend and see if there are things that you can do to improve. Communication is key in any relationship and being able to work things out as a team rather than leave them unresolved. Continue to spend time in prayer with God about what to do moving forward. He will guide you through the next steps of this crazy world of dating and relationships.
The possibility of not ever getting the closure you need with your ex is a real thing and I want you to be mentally ready for that in case it does happen. Some people who don’t get the opportunity to have closure with an ex or even a friendship gone bad find it helpful to write out what they would say if they had gotten the opportunity to talk with the person. Writing is a great way to express what is on your mind and heart without having to say it to the person. After you write out your thoughts and feelings, some people like to keep it and others burn it. You can decide what you want to do but I suggest writing out what you are feeling to help feel some closure for yourself.
Remember that God will always be with you especially during these difficult times. Relationships are hard, messy and complicated but when you meet the right person, it will be worth it in the end. Praying for you and that God will help give you that peace that you are in need of. Everything will be made beautiful in His time.
